I hate moving

Does anyone really enjoy moving? I'm sure some people do. But not me.

I felt the need to abandon my Myspace affiliations. I never really wanted to sign up with a service like Myspace and when I realized that the only reason I was using it in the first place was for my blog I decided to just move it back here, where I used to have my first blog years ago. But, there's that.

I'm still working on the layout and presentation. The current look is just a template and I'd like to personalize it soon. We'll see. Please keep checking back! ;D

Over the horizon

I am finding myself to be far vaster than I originally thought. I believe if I had the time I would care to experience everything in existence. I am happy with the things I have come to trust and depend on. I am finding so much pleasure in things I never knew of or narrowly avoided due to ignorance. My mind is wide open.

I am liberating my body and soul. I am being true to my nature and embracing my life.

Like Fine Wine

Days go by and still I think of you.
Days when I couldn't live my life without you.

Best year of my life. The love, the support, the new people, my family, my faith, my job, my way of life... I will cherish my 33rd year above all others to date.

If you only knew the person I am, the person I've become, and the person I'll be...

My future is wide open

<3 G

Not Ever

Deafening prayers carrying lonely desires,
Terrified children who must master their fire,
Complacent governors who's lies mire,
And the body is never done.

Beginners dressed like endings,
And never wild old crying child,
Careless fools steal and loveless dupes feels,
With callous endings never done.

Scattered tribes of old,
Alike tears running from cold,
Selfish intention grows like mold,
And the heart is never done.

Pieces clinging limply, prying, scratching,
Trying not to drown, afloat in pain swimming,
Bringing with it constant waning.
And the mind is never done.

Efforts old and efforts new,
Paling in comparison to what gods do,
Yet even while it closes on you,
Your existence is never done.

When 2’s should be 3’s

It can't all be poetry and quotes everyday! This is the real world people!

So, just a note on programming in PHP, although this tip really carries over into programming in any kind of scripting language... or any type of logic solving really. But in this context specifically, I'm referring to an issue I just resolved in my PHP for an undisclosed website.

Ultimately, put simply, when you need 2's to be 3's, you should make sure that all your 2's are 3's. In every file and every logic structure. Isn't it silly how if this basic rule of thumb gets left behind it can ruin your whole day?

But, on a positive note, what I thought might take me all day to fix only took me ten minutes. Nine minutes and fifty seconds to find the problem and ten seconds to make the change and save the file. Brilliant!

I am a PHP Guru!

Denial Song

Pushed flat on my face,
Life denies me happiness.
Like a failed race
Ignoring pains grandness.

Singing denial's prelude
Running from my own hate,
Never feeling so crude
Pain's grating song won't abate.

Fear's fleeing fright
A mental parade of anguish,
Buried atop hope's light
Death the only true wish.

Fortune

I crawled down myself, smaller and smaller.
Into the carpet, jumping with wonder.
Bringing my aimless search for nothing,
I blinded and turned outside, seeking.
Running wild and free, no grasp can hold.
Turning colors and dancing songs to behold.
There is nothing to think of, no hardship.
Fortune's grace falls upon me with its patterned grip.
Silence counts on me to help it stay secure.
With its arrest will Fortune's song endure.
Belied by fun and fun undone,
Warmed by father Sun.
Over and over charged the deed.
Adventure's path, scout's creed.
And even when lost, lost at sea,
Hope lets loose and just maybe.
Maybe and maybe and not just today.
Whenever it's silent I'll look for a way.
I don't have a choice, no options indeed,
I'll try to be fine, for OK's what I need.

Always There

I wade through the bog, hip deep stressing life.
Unshed tears too busy to be seen.
Clenching my stomach like a noose daring to hang.
Bother and strife, my head swims with anguish.
And a hand reaches out, a voice grips my ear.
You are there.
Washed away like the tide leaving serenity of life.
You are there.

My body twists and hurts, trembling uncontrollably.
Simple tasks elude my shaking being.
Worthlessness screams obscenities cruelly at me.
Despair dares me to find hope when I'm blind.
Then you hold me, you touch my face.
You are there again.
Bathing me with your compassion, cleansing my wounds.
You are there again.

Terrified of things to come, losing love, falling down.
Walking a tightrope of sanity.
Gathering all my strength just to limp a few more feet.
Not understanding my own decisions, stumbling along.
You pull me close, hold me up.
You are still there.
Getting me past the hard parts, bearing strength enough for us both.
You are still there.

Losing all semblance of adulthood, cowering within my child.
Having no defense against the worst injustices of life.
Groaning sorrowfully beneath lakes of tears.
Feeling like I was never meant to be in the first place.
I am wanted, loved, kissed and hugged.
You are always there.
Reminding me the world is a better place with me in it.
And a wonderful place because you are always there.

Thank you. You have my deepest gratitude and appreciation.

Down In My Eyes

A cry for shelter, for the span is too far again.
Rocky crags and mountainous ravines my eyes become.
I shall roam in them for a time, for my true self, it is afraid.
I cry for my love to take my hand, but it is relaxed.
My mind searches for my pain, the definition of my life.
What can a soul alone accomplish alone?
What can my soul in tears hope for in fear?
And what can your soul hope to offer my tears and fears?
A great blindness has fallen over my world.
I stumble and fall in the dark.
And finally find myself falling a great distance.
Farther than I've ever fell before.

Coming Passion

Quenchless thirst always yearning.
Soft touches feed the fire.
Raging feelings like passion's kiss.
You must take me I am yours.
Possess me, undress me,
Caress me, release me,
Feel me, need me,
Want me, tease me.
Bind me up, love me, free me.
Strip me down, touch me, see me.
Fill me wet, drain me dry.
Come with me, passions fly.
Hearts of fire, flesh burning.
Loves fluid churning, always yearning.
Wrap me up inside your heat.
Drench this quenchless thirst of mine.
Then it's time, it's time to come.
Naked, yearning, wet & burning.
It's not enough to say it's pleasant.
But more or less love incessant.
Take me again!

Perhaps

Today, there was something about me.
Perhaps the fear had gone.
Perhaps if I'm just me I wouldn't be another.

Yesterday, there was something about me.
Perhaps the fear had grown.
Perhaps if I had known I could have saved my lover.

Tomorrow, there's something about me.
Perhaps the fear became my own.
Perhaps it died, and I became my very own flower.

Impact

Willing in the chill tomorrows.
Wanting wishful days.
Skim the seas, waves of sorrow,
Sail with no delays.

Stars at night know not the sadness.
Only does the moon.
With her grace oh lunar goddess,
Pray return her soon.

When the moment comes a calling,
Love need not be shy.
Then that day you see me falling.
Love set free to fly.

Angel's Unspoken Words

Blessed sensuality embodying love's unspoken words.
The softness touches like a magical brush painting pleasure.
Your fingers journeying greater heights of unknown awareness.
Reaching secret points of ecstasy hidden behind inhibitions.
If angels whispered in my ear sweetness incarnate I would have something to compare the lyricism of you to.

Pouring forth on gentle rivers of joy, entwining like vines of love.
Brilliant inspiration climbs my spine, of your thoughts new excitement.
Never before being felt, held aloft, brought a sense of serenity.
Under your caress I bath openly before my own satisfaction.
If angels brought me gifts of purest heaven's blessing I would have something to compare the rapture of you to.

Plush lips pressing mine sending vivid chords of love through my heart.
Feelings of passion squeeze at my arms and chest, back and neck.
Desire urging blood to rise, your heat becomes overwhelming.
Racing breaths drowned by love's unspoken words leave only soft moans.
And if angels carried me high on wings of silk, bathed me in ambrosia and essence of life, then, I would have something to compare the euphoria of you to.

Nightmare

Breathlessly awakened, holding myself close.
Nightmares lingering like cobwebs in the wind.
Careless words, images fired blindly sting.
Every note rings discordantly out of tune.
Like sour tears shed in anger and despair.
The loneliness of knowing no one hears.
Knowing all alone is no one understanding.
Gripping tighter, maybe enough to sooth.
But fear of dreams worsens as night looms.
And the cries of hate, hurt, wracking pain.
Gentle sobbing drowns the feelings.
Wishes, wants, and why can'ts demanded.
All the needs makes no one care.
None respond, to deal with feelings.
Owning it, surviving it jades.
Cynicism weighs the trade of life.
The nightmare rips love asunder.
Tattered pieces of happiness scatter.
Loveless falls pouring over scarred dreams.
Mankind doesn't believe anymore.
Ideals disappear behind closed eyes.
So many sleepless nights terrified.
Bound by inward carving hopelessness.
And children's frowns of disgust toil.
Helping grate over a cold hapless soul.
Wanting never to wake, to never sleep.
The enemy mind twisting junk out of spite.
Hate bores from the nightmare like ooze.
Holiness forsaken in the horrid night.

Boundaries of Love

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep;
The more I give to thee
The more I have,
For both are infinite.

- William Shakespeare

Visage

She walks in beauty,
Like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes.

- Byron